open post;; yeah why's it so fuckin' funny dickwad?

[hypochondrias]

text/call/action ; open to losers and cross-canon! ; drop a starter or send me a prompt! ; specify era/age if you please

Comments

[hypochondrias]

Rough doesn’t seem kinky
The way you talk is pretty kinky though
If this is what it’s like being too horny then I don’t want wanna know what normal is
Cause I feel like I don’t have enough sex with you

[trashmouthing]

talking a big game is kind of my mo
i just like being with you

[hypochondrias]

You also like being in me

[trashmouthing]

i don't LIKE being inside you i fucking live and die by it
love making you come on my fingers love how you look speared on my dick
you're so pretty i love messing you up

[hypochondrias]

Speared on your dick
Like I’m some of kebab
You’re an animal

[trashmouthing]

you love it

[hypochondrias]

Am I just a piece of meat to you?!

[trashmouthing]

well i do wanna take a bite out of ya

[hypochondrias]

I’ll allow one bite
No more no less

[trashmouthing]

at this rate i'll starve to death

[hypochondrias]

We’ll have to find you alternate forms of sustenance
That kinda sounds like I mean other guys which I want to state for the record
Is never ever ever gonna happen

[trashmouthing]

never ever ever gonna happen like in a we're never ever ever gonna have a threesome way or a you're never ever ever gonna leave me your devoted and worshipful lover way

[hypochondrias]

Like in a
The mere thought of you being with somebody else makes me panic in a way I don’t like kind of way
So wait you wanna have a threesome?

[trashmouthing]

lucky for both of us i'm on a reverse keto diet
spaghetti only till i die


also no
i've been told i'm bad at multitasking

[hypochondrias]

Jesus Christ thank god
I didn’t want to crush your dreams by saying I’m not sure how interested I would be in fucking anybody else

[trashmouthing]

i can barely even handle the idea of somebody else putting hands on you
if you'll recall i poured a beer all over the last guy who so much as seemed to be considering it

[ the bar fight incident™ ]

#normalboyfriendshit am i right fellas

[hypochondrias]

I didn’t wanna tell you at the time but he was probably more than just considering it
You looked kinda hot all banged up for my honor

[trashmouthing]

yeah he was a piece of sun-roasted shit

[ >:( ]

[hypochondrias]

God I’m so in love with you

[ because Eddie also seems to recall the heavy make out session in the aftermath of the incident... ]

So the answer to your original question was both
Never ever gonna have a threesome and I can’t imagine being with anyone else for the rest of my life

[trashmouthing]

how the fuck did i get so lucky
WHY ARE YOU STILL AT WORK

[hypochondrias]

I’m not sure myself
No one’s made it back and most of the office is still here
I’m gonna take off at like 4 if this is how the rest of my fucking day goes because I’m tired of missing you

[trashmouthing]

plus if you get home earlier i won't feel so bad asking you to look in on the car
oh shit
i just realized i could make jenny drive me tomorrow

[ jenny is steve's intern. richie, who does not really know what administrative interns are about because his own history of internships involved slaving for audio engineers, does not know what constitutes an appropriate ask from interns. to her credit, she has never brought him weed or coffee or "cool college kid drugs" even though he has definitely asked. ]

[hypochondrias]

Jenny like the intern?
I’m not sure if I should be offended or not that you don’t trust me to fix your car
I’m kidding it’s probably nothing mechanical and fun I could fix and we’ll just end up calling AAA tonight anyway
And then you can drive yourself

[trashmouthing]

it's not that i think you can't i just don't want you to have to do stuff other than let me spoon you or whatever

yeah you remember jenny? i don't remember when you might've met her
fun-sized
goes to ucla

[hypochondrias]

Wow I can’t believe what a presumptuous dick you are
What if I wanted to spoon YOU huh? Now what??
I haven’t met her but I email Steve probably more than you do remember

[ which is to say Eddie corresponds with the man 3-4 times a week, which isn’t much until one considers that Steve is Richie’s manager, not Eddie’s. ]