open post;; yeah why's it so fuckin' funny dickwad?

[hypochondrias]

text/call/action ; open to losers and cross-canon! ; drop a starter or send me a prompt! ; specify era/age if you please

Comments

[hypochondrias]

I can't stop thinking about you

[dickwad]

jsyk it’s illegal for you to say cute things when you’re not in kissing distance
im gonna have to fine you

[hypochondrias]

God and here I thought I just sound really fucking pathetic
I'm taking you to court to challenge this fine
I refuse to pay for something that you fucking started

[dickwad]

if it’s pathetic then we’re two peas in a pod
why don’t we settle out of court at say 9pm tomorrow? jfk?
i haven’t been to new york in ages

[hypochondrias]

Yeah? When was the last time you were here?

[dickwad]

year, year and a half ago
it was for snl
will you take me to do fun touristy things?

[hypochondrias]

Name dropping like you're trying to impress me
I was thinking of taking you to dinner actually

[dickwad]

you are literally only calling me out because you are impressed
you're right dinner is a million times better
first date vibes

[hypochondrias]

You just got hired to ghostwrite admit it
Hey uh I guess I should ask
Is that what you want? First date or like
Dating in general

[dickwad]

we told each other we've been in love since we were thirteen and made out until our lips were numb i'd say it's a little late for that question eddie spaghetti but very cute of you to ask
anyway you're the one with the relationship hang ups so i guess i should be asking you

[hypochondrias]

I'd like to see how normal you'd be if you haven't dated anyone since you were 24
Or after you saw the fucking bill I got from my attorney

Anyway do people even date anymore? I don't know how anything works

[dickwad]

if i promise to never divorce you will that make you calm the fuck down

no we stopped dating, kids these days pretty much just have giant polyamorous orgies and raise their kids up in communes while worshipping satan and i think doing tiktok dances. it's like the sixties all over again
so look forward to that

we don't have to name it if you don't want to

[hypochondrias]

Oh good sounds great
No pressure except the pressure that comes inherent with trying to find multiple hot young 20-something calisthenics instructors to fuck in an open relationship or whatever

[ there's a brief period where eddie does not reply, and then: ]

You'd be my first boyfriend

[dickwad]

wow i don't think you could describe someone more the opposite of me if you tried

i'll be your last one too, eds

[hypochondrias]

That sounds like a threat and a promise

[dickwad]

fuck you you know what i meant
boyfriends then?

[hypochondrias]

No actually I want you to tell me what you meant

[dickwad]

can't
i feel like i'd be in violation of some cute laws

[hypochondrias]

Okay now you're really losing me

[dickwad]

well now i feel awkward about it
obviously i just meant you can't have another boyfriend because that means you wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore
if you are my boyfriend
if not just disregard

[hypochondrias]

Kinda feels like the word doesn't mean enough frankly
But yeah you are my boyfriend

[dickwad]

soulmate?

[hypochondrias]

You know what
Yeah
Something like that

[dickwad]

alright FINE i will kiss you silly when i see you tomorrow you don't have to beg
are you sure you haven't been on a date in a long time because your game is not bad
i'm swooning over here

[hypochondrias]

Are you fucking with me
It's either that or you're so biased you're mistaking my fumbles for charm