open post;; yeah why's it so fuckin' funny dickwad?

[hypochondrias]

text/call/action ; open to losers and cross-canon! ; drop a starter or send me a prompt! ; specify era/age if you please

Comments

[hypochondrias]

I wasn't aware I was supposed to invest in finger insurance when we started this relationship so maybe that's actually on you

[dickwad]

i will not make a fingering joke

[hypochondrias]

Should your uncharacteristic restraint worry me?

[dickwad]

no im just too horny to make one
my joke brain has been replaced with bend eddie over his bed and fuck him until he's screaming my name brain

[hypochondrias]

Oh fuck

[ that one's immediate, but there might be a thirty second pause between it and the next: ]

You handed out tickets to the inside the mind of Richie Tozier exhibit when I wasn't looking
Fuck
Warm me up at least

[dickwad]

season pass baby anytime you like
i think i could get off just from kissing you
god you feel good

[hypochondrias]

Holy shit are you serious?
You better not be fucking with me
Because I really really really want to test this

[dickwad]

if you're in my lap? no doubt
you're such a tease eds
i kinda like it tho

[hypochondrias]

Teasing implies I'm promising things I won't actually do

[dickwad]

if we're just kissing eddie won't get his daily dosage of dick tho

[hypochondrias]

Sounds like you were imagining we were clothed for some unknown reason
Though I kind of like the idea of making you come in your pants

[dickwad]

you're way too fucking powerful
and evil

[hypochondrias]

You stroking my ego just to get in my pants?

[dickwad]

i feel like i already have granted access into pantsville
population: eddie's pecker
my mouth is going to be a frequent resident
maybe it'll rent out a condo

[hypochondrias]

Nothing gets me going more than hearing you call it my pecker
What are you, don draper?
Hope you have a down payment handy because you're about to sign a mortgage for this property

[dickwad]

i don't think you have ever said anything sexier or more romantic to me than to take a mortgage out in your pants
i love you so much eddie

[hypochondrias]

God I really love you
I don't wanna go to sleep
I just want to talk to you until you get here

[dickwad]

if you go to sleep i'll get there faster eddie spaghetti

[hypochondrias]

Yeah sure so are you going to bed too?

[dickwad]

no way i’m giddy like a girl before prom
no sleep for me but i’ll dream of you anyway

[hypochondrias]

You better not make fun of me when I ask this next question
What're you wearing?

[dickwad]

🤪

( bing bing, photo message! a picture taken in richie’s bathroom, which seems a little fancier than the subject — richie in a cozy pair of gray sweats, and a shirt of his own merch, trashmouth written in bold, faded letters across his chest. the countertop cuts off at his groin for, he thinks, pretty obvious reasons. maybe a squinting eye will see that reason with a little more clarity, on a pixelated zoom in.

and his hair is half done up at the top of his head, in a little bun. he has a dumb smile for the camera. )

that wfh life

[hypochondrias]

[ the first emoji only response is enough for eddie to text back something vaguely annoyed, but his sixty seconds of patience is rewarded by something even better than a mere description: a photo of richie instead. eddie clicks to enlarge it immediately, and finds the sight of richie, dressed in work-from-home chic, something close to charming. it is charming, though, inasmuch as a comedian in his own tour shirt is charming, but it's more than that too. it seizes his heart in his chest, something liquid hot dripping into his belly - a want so thick eddie lets his legs fall open where he's sprawled on his bed.

richie looks so good. more than good. eddie feels himself warm as the word sexy circles in his head.

inconveniently, the picture crops where things get a little more interesting, though eddie's just fine staring at richie's face, at the stubble that's grown in along his jaw and upper lip. eddie wants to get his mouth on it. ]

And you said I'm the tease
You look comfortable
Handsome
You're making me miss you more

[dickwad]

are you expecting an apology
cause you're not getting one

( if this is how easily eddie is won over, he's really is going to encourage bad habits like sending unsexy, goofy looking selfies whenever the opportunity arises. really, richie convinces himself he half sends it as a joke, just in case eddie doesn't like it, and then they can poke fun at him — his pudgy tummy, his overgrown haircut, his terrible fashion sense. no harm, no foul.

except he does like it. he really likes it, maybe. richie thinks it would probably go to any guy's head, having eddie compliment them, and he's nothing if not exceedingly average. )

miss you too eds
i'll be more comfortable once i'm next to you
there hasn't been a day since that i haven't thought about kissing you
i will probably never think of anything else ever again

[hypochondrias]

Come on I know better than to expect the words 'I'm sorry' come out of your mouth

[ it's playful and feels that way, though the picture he sends does not. that feels more deliberate, more like richie's testing the waters, sending something that's 95% innocuous before anything more. it's the you have no idea what this brain is capable of coming up with eddie my darling of selfies.

is eddie supposed to reciprocate? is he supposed to go into more detail? explain in lurid run on sentences what he'd do to richie if he were here? eddie doesn't know, and finding himself frustrated by this indecision, relieves it by staring longingly at richie's photo. he expands his fingers on his screen to zoom into richie's jaw, the days of stubble there he absolutely definitely wants to feel scrape against his cheek.

he palms his hand over the front of his boxer briefs. ]

I want to see you in bed
Show me
Maybe I'll return the favor