open post;; yeah why's it so fuckin' funny dickwad?

[hypochondrias]

text/call/action ; open to losers and cross-canon! ; drop a starter or send me a prompt! ; specify era/age if you please

Comments

[trashmouthing]

i mean

i for one feel like this catalogue had the right idea

[hypochondrias]

I practically have a PhD in Richard Tozier

[trashmouthing]

plus i'd have to do a whole ass rebrand

[hypochondrias]

Yep yeah you would

[trashmouthing]

if you ask me there's a logical answer is all i'm saying

[hypochondrias]

Just that it’s logical of course

[trashmouthing]

you know me
logical guy

[hypochondrias]

Are hyphenated names out of the question?

[trashmouthing]

if we're getting hitched nothing's off the table except stripper cakes

[hypochondrias]

Yeah I need to be the only hot guy you wanna fuck at this wedding

[trashmouthing]

you're the only hot guy i wanna fuck ever
but for the record if you feel like jumping out of a cake at any point don't let me stop you

[hypochondrias]

Pretty sure you can’t have your fiancé coming out of your cake at your bachelor party, baby

[trashmouthing]

says who

[hypochondrias]

You know what
You’re right
Fuck it I’m coming out of your cake

[trashmouthing]

i literally have not imagined a sexier thing in my life than those cakes springing out of an actual cake

[hypochondrias]

This sounds like a joint bachelor party
Which can’t appeal to me any less than the actual bachelor party I did have
If I wanted to be a bachelor I would be
But I don’t
I just want you

[trashmouthing]

i love you so much

[hypochondrias]

I love you so much
I’ll love you for the rest of my life

[trashmouthing]

at the risk of touching a hot stove
what was your bachelor party like?
did it involve a big bag of coke

[hypochondrias]

Yeah there was definitely coke
How did you know?
How much do you want me to tell you

[trashmouthing]

honey you've had coke eyes since the day i met you
shit
now i wanna know EVERYTHING
DID YOU DO LINES OFF A STRIPPER EDDIE

[hypochondrias]

You always say the nicest things about me baby
Come on we can’t do lines in the open like that they were bumps in the bathroom and shit
But not even a big bag of blow could get me interested in letting the guys take me to a strip club

[trashmouthing]

i thought you were cute even then

who are these guys? have i met the guys???

[hypochondrias]

It was a bunch of assholes from my old job mostly because surprisingly I didn’t have that many friends that weren’t somehow connected to either work or my wife
They took me to an arcade and a couple of bars and it ended with a bunch of them convincing this girl to hit on me when I was really hammered and it got awkward

[trashmouthing]

there's no way it took that much convincing
have you seen you