open post;; yeah why's it so fuckin' funny dickwad?

[hypochondrias]

text/call/action ; open to losers and cross-canon! ; drop a starter or send me a prompt! ; specify era/age if you please

Comments

[hypochondrias]

Sometimes it's enough to just go to bed knowing my man's as proud of showing off my body as he is of his own career

Sometimes

[trashmouthing]

it's a real feather in my cap!

[hypochondrias]

Which part? Dating a guy who works out or parading him around shirtless?

The answer is yeah by the way

[trashmouthing]

both
well
TECHNICALLY you are also doing that first thing
last time people saw me shirtless in public though it drew some unflattering fucking comparisons to that time people took like 20 pictures of hugh jackman running with his mouth open so
it's gotta be you sugar
maybe they'll scout you for a calvin klein ad

so a yes for top gun?
ARE WE GOING TO THE DANGER ZONE?

[hypochondrias]

I think you're the hottest guy I've ever seen with or without a shirt so fucking fight me asshole

I'm gonna take you RIGHT into the danger zone baby
I hope you know that means I'm gonna lay on top of you until you give me what I want

[trashmouthing]

well when you put it THAT WAY
you'll make a wrestler out of me yet eds

[hypochondrias]

Are you saying
You don’t want me to get on top of you?
What a dick

[trashmouthing]

honey i want you all the prepositions me
over sideways under hyphen aladdin hyphen richie tozier

[hypochondrias]

I love when you Disney serenade me baby I can't believe you were ever single

[trashmouthing]

hard same

[hypochondrias]

Hahaha fuck you too I wasn't single

[trashmouthing]

i meant about me dumbass, i am aware your life has been one long uninterrupted monogamous relationship with a walgreens pharmacy

[hypochondrias]

I learned a hard lesson early
And that's that after the 80s ibuprofen would never let me down

[trashmouthing]

the only reason i even go to the gym is this waning hope that someday you will find me sexier than motrin

[hypochondrias]

You're getting up there with the prescription strength shit
10 out of 10 baby

[trashmouthing]

it's important to have dreams

hey
can you do me a favor on your way home

[hypochondrias]

What's up?

[trashmouthing]

i must have slept through the ups guy trying to buzz up or something
they left a note that says they took a package to
i dunno what the fuck this place is. car wash?
dog wash?
dog barber?
i got a long call later so if you could grab it that would be doubleplusgood

[ helpfully, a picture of the little missed delivery notice tag that has an address and an oddly ambiguous business name attached. ]

[hypochondrias]

If this wasn't written on that pink UPS slip I'd say this is some sketchy murderer note and you're sending me to my death
But yeah I'll grab it on my way home when I grab our dinner

[trashmouthing]

yeah there's no way this is a real place. probably a front for money laundering or an organ farm or something
anyway i love you and you're perfect even if they take one of your kidneys

[hypochondrias]

You laugh but I got us tested and you're a perfect donor match for like half my organs so thanks in advance lover man

[trashmouthing]

oh shit
i was wondering why my driver's license says "organ donor but only for ONE DUDE so BACK THE FUCK UP"

[hypochondrias]

Nope all of you belongs to me, it was in the prenup

[trashmouthing]

pretty sure it was on my fucking birth certificate

[hypochondrias]

Yeah there's a line for betrothal, it's got my name right there on yours