open post;; yeah why's it so fuckin' funny dickwad?

[hypochondrias]

text/call/action ; open to losers and cross-canon! ; drop a starter or send me a prompt! ; specify era/age if you please

Comments

[hypochondrias]

If this wasn't written on that pink UPS slip I'd say this is some sketchy murderer note and you're sending me to my death
But yeah I'll grab it on my way home when I grab our dinner

[trashmouthing]

yeah there's no way this is a real place. probably a front for money laundering or an organ farm or something
anyway i love you and you're perfect even if they take one of your kidneys

[hypochondrias]

You laugh but I got us tested and you're a perfect donor match for like half my organs so thanks in advance lover man

[trashmouthing]

oh shit
i was wondering why my driver's license says "organ donor but only for ONE DUDE so BACK THE FUCK UP"

[hypochondrias]

Nope all of you belongs to me, it was in the prenup

[trashmouthing]

pretty sure it was on my fucking birth certificate

[hypochondrias]

Yeah there's a line for betrothal, it's got my name right there on yours

[trashmouthing]

who gave you permission to be so fucking cute
asking for a friend
who i'm gonna murder in a jealous rage!!!

[hypochondrias]

You still have those?
Friends

[trashmouthing]

not at this rate i won't

[hypochondrias]

You telling me every single one of your friends was interested in me?
Where the fuck was I?

[trashmouthing]

i don't know but now that i think about it i'm probably gonna regret my otherwise amazing top gun idea if other people decide they wanna try eating off your abs

[hypochondrias]

You say that like I'm gonna let anybody but you do body shots off me
Probably

Depends on how drunk we get

[trashmouthing]

i'll be sure to practice my technique
when it comes to licking things off you i will NOT be outdone by some FUCKING AMATEUR

[hypochondrias]

I take it back this might get dangerous if done in public

[trashmouthing]

we'll either never get another party invite again or the number of party invites we get will increase exponentially
this city is too horny

[hypochondrias]

Define "too" horny in the context of
Us

[trashmouthing]

i think we get a pass
i am catching up on like 30 years of horny

[hypochondrias]

That is what it feels like with you
Like I'm a fucking teenager but like
Hopefully better in bed

[trashmouthing]

you're a goddamn dream

[hypochondrias]

I always want you and it never stops being astounding

[trashmouthing]

i've wanted you my whole fucking life
shine ain't off that apple yet boo

[hypochondrias]

Today was a hard day and you're gonna help me make it better

[ there's a brief break between texts, significant only because a selfie comes through, showing eddie grinning over a blurry golden retriever puppy trying to jump onto his lap. ]

So hey uh this place you sent me to is like the opposite of a murder den

[trashmouthing]

oh my GOD
this picture destroyed me

[hypochondrias]

LOOK AT THESE RICH

[ now it's two twin french bulldogs framing eddie's face, their tongues lolling out. it's cute as fuck. ]