open post;; yeah why's it so fuckin' funny dickwad?

[hypochondrias]

text/call/action ; open to losers and cross-canon! ; drop a starter or send me a prompt! ; specify era/age if you please

Comments

[hypochondrias]

AND YOUR DICK IS FINE
So why are you worried about mine
What’re you trying to say you prick

[trashmouthing]

my darling spaghetti don't underestimate the power of seniority
i've been horny way longer than you've been horny
i've got at least ten years on you
you gotta work your way up that ladder with hard work and dedication

[hypochondrias]

I should sue you for libel

[trashmouthing]

in what way is this libelous
i was horny for you before you even knew what horny was pal
before horny was a twinkle in your eye

[hypochondrias]

How do you know how horny I was before we got together?
What if I was horny for you when I was in college and just never knew?
How dare you

[trashmouthing]

dude need i remind you i was into you way before i had fully finished puberty

[hypochondrias]

You weren’t the only one with crushes you know

[trashmouthing]

I WISH I WAS

[hypochondrias]

Why?!

[trashmouthing]

the very thought of you having a crush on anyone else makes me want to riot in the street with bottles and chains

[hypochondrias]

I love that you didn’t assume you were included in that category
But yeah I don’t get real excited about thinking you've slept with anyone else but me either

[trashmouthing]

virginity is a social construct baby

[hypochondrias]

Yeah I guess it doesn’t matter that I didn’t lose mine to you

[trashmouthing]

you're the only person i have ever wanted to make love to in the most nauseatingly romantic way possible
i wanna do it on like
a bearskin rug in a cabin in the rockies
outside under the fucking stars or some shit
i wanna kiss you in weird places like the backs of your knees
that's gotta count for something

[hypochondrias]

God I sound like an ungrateful asshole and I didn’t mean to
I’m so sorry richie
I’ve never been in love with anyone but you
But sometimes when I think about all that time we didn’t know each other I just feel fucking crazy
All that time and you could have been dating me

[trashmouthing]

i know i know
we've got like 50 good years left if we eat our green vegetables though
and viagra's one of those things that's only gonna improve over time

[hypochondrias]

I got plans to stick around for at least 50 more years so I appreciate you thinking ahead to that viagra prescription
We’re definitely gonna be those two old guys still finding ways to fuck when we’re 70

[trashmouthing]

dude old people fuck so much
they're actually setting a pretty high bar in retirement homes

[hypochondrias]

I don’t wanna know how you think you know that

[trashmouthing]

visiting your mom mostly

[hypochondrias]

nice to know you like the couch so much cause that's where you're sleeping tonight